Love · Guide

How to improve your relationship, one small change at a time

Big promises rarely change a relationship. Small, steady changes do. The best change to make is the one your partner actually feels. Here is how to find it.

By Daniel Yeo and Simyee Lim · 5 min read · Updated 22 Oct 2026

Love them the way they feel it

Most of us give love the way we would like to receive it. It feels generous, and it is. But if your partner is a different type, it may not land. The quickest way to improve your relationship is to learn how your partner feels loved, and do a little more of that.

One small change for each type

These are common patterns, not rules. Read your partner's row, then ask them which parts fit.

Type 1 · The Reformer

Feels loved when: Their effort is noticed, and promises are kept on both sides.
Try this week: Name one thing they did well this week, and keep one small promise exactly as you said it.

Type 2 · The Giver

Feels loved when: Someone asks what would help, and really listens.
Try this week: Ask, “What would help you this week?” Then do it, without them having to ask twice.

Type 3 · The Achiever

Feels loved when: They’re valued for who they are, not for what they get done.
Try this week: Tell them one thing you love about them that has nothing to do with work or results.

Type 4 · The Individualist

Feels loved when: Their feelings are understood, without a rush to fix them.
Try this week: When they share a feeling, listen to the end and say back what you heard, before offering any solution.

Type 5 · The Observer

Feels loved when: They get space, and their pace is respected.
Try this week: Ask your question, then give them time. Say, “No rush. Tell me when you're ready.”

Type 6 · The Loyalist

Feels loved when: They hear plain words that all is well, and see it every day.
Try this week: Tell them early if a plan changes, and say it plainly: “We're OK.”

Type 7 · The Enthusiast

Feels loved when: The fun is shared, and they don’t feel fenced in.
Try this week: Plan one new thing to do together this week, something neither of you has tried.

Type 8 · The Challenger

Feels loved when: Their partner is straight with them and stays steady when things get strong.
Try this week: Say what you think directly and calmly, and stay in the conversation when it gets strong.

Type 9 · The Peacemaker

Feels loved when: Someone asks what they want, and waits for the answer.
Try this week: Ask, “What would you like?” and wait. If they say “anything is fine”, gently ask again.

Three habits that help every couple

Notice the good out loud. A short “thank you for…” every day slowly changes the mood at home.
Talk about one moment, not the whole relationship. “Last night when…” is much easier to solve than “You always…”.
Make up quickly. A small “sorry, can we start again?” after a hard moment matters more than winning the argument.

Find your two types first

This guide works best when you know both types. Each of you takes the free test, then open the X-Map for Couples to see ten everyday moments side by side, with one thing to try in each.

Know how you love first.

Take the free love test. Then invite your partner to take it too.

Take the free test Together a while? See Rekindle

Questions people ask

What is the fastest way to improve a relationship?

Learn how your partner feels loved, and do a little more of that every day. Small and steady works better than big and rare.

What if my partner doesn't want to take the test?

Start with yours. Understanding your own pattern already changes how you show up. Many partners join later, once they see it helps.

Is this couples therapy?

No. It's a practical self-help tool. If you are going through something serious, please speak to a qualified counsellor.